A Heart of Repentence

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I was thinking about all the things that I do on a daily basis that I need repentece for, and in that thought realized I never realy ask for forgivness.

Day in and day out I go through the motions of life all the while never recognizing the things that seperate me from God. Most lilely all the things that keep me from growing. I’m quite calous to my own actions and the effects they have on me.

Honestly I think I’ve pushed away from looking at the things that cause hardness of heart in order to keep my sanity. The thought is that if I pay attention to all my sins than all I see are my sins, and that becomes my focus. “Why repent when I’m just going to do it again.”

A potters clay can’t be molded when it’s dry and stiff. Yet sanity seems more acceptable when I don’t pay attention.

How is it that I can have a heart of repentence if I’m not willing to accept the things that I do. When I come face to face with Jesus and he asked me about my sins how can I repent if I don’t care about weather or not I’ve sinned. I think the result will that there is no forgivness.

So my question is, where is the motivation and drive to bag my sin and bring it befor God, rather than leave it in a closet with the rest of my sin. I guess it’s like throwing trash on the floor. Eventually it will accumulate and it will be impossable to miss, and it will become apparent to every one that I litter where ever I wish and care nothing about the consiquences.

But having repentence is having freedom. It’s more than just having a clean floor it’s streaching your arms out with nothing to hide. At that point it becomes a matter of having a clean soul and that will reflect in my life, because I wear my feelings on my shoulder.

So if my motivation is to be free than my thought is to recognize my actions. Take action and take control. There is a re-ocuring theme that has been rolling around in my head. (and maybe it’s just me) Weak mind and weak willed, that is our generation. But it’s not true, it’s just a deception, because we are usually tricked into thinking that we are weak when we are actually strong.

So with strong mind and a strong will I will own my trash and take it before God asking him to get ride of it, because he said he would.

January 7, 2009Tags: , @ 10:48 pm
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What People Believe

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Sometimes it not just about what someone believes when you sit down to a conversation about God. Sometimes you just have to keep your mouth shut. I don’t think I should always keep my mouth shut, but sometimes I think I might be more of a person who puts doubts in peoples minds than hope.

I know I’m a sceptic and I want to know what’s really going on. The conversation moved into how this guy liked to see the sports guys giving God credit for their touch down or win. I turned and said, “well thats nice but how truthful is it.

I guess my beef lies in the fact that our society is so based on what we see and what we perceive that I’m always wondering how true is something. I don’t go around openly proclaiming Gods wonders and blessing out in public because when I stub my toe I tend to freak out and blurt out a loud “FUCK!!” then I look around to see if there are any kids. hopefully not

My point of my horrible train of thought is that I’m curious about how far our country will go before it self destructs. Self righteousness and pride can fill a nation like it fills a person, and bam one day things all just fall apart. Hope is lost and chaos can take over.

August 19, 2008Tags: , , , @ 8:56 pm
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Mind Dump

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Here is a little brain poop for you because Im not a woman. (ps (already) this is a mind dump not a silhouette of my rise to perfection)

Designs, Shapes, Bad Hair Cuts, Anime, FLCL, Cell Phone Ringing, Email, Bathroom, Toilet Paper and then maybe a nap.

I’d like to take a rid on the scooter right now in the dark with the lights off, but I would have to disconnect the lights from the engine. Not so I could crash but I really like the dark of night in an area where there is no light pollution. Clean crisp air and darkness (no not metaphorical darkness)

June 19, 2008Tags: , , , @ 9:54 pm
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Accepting Forgiveness

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After thinking about a few things I think one of the biggest steps to finding a new way in life is to understand the repetition in accepting forgiveness.

Obviously I don’t fully understand it or I wouldn’t be thinking about it. I know of a few stories about forgiveness and accepting it. Thing is, copping and accepting forgiveness for mistakes made over and over is can be kinda hard.

Asking and accepting forgiveness for a single mistake really isn’t a problem, but asking and accepting forgiveness for mistakes you know you will make over and over again is harder.

It’s the classic case of feeling it’s easier to stay down when you get hurt rather than getting up when you fall. It’s not a new concept, but a way of life that has to be learned the hard way.

June 17, 2008Tags: , , , , @ 10:30 pm
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Church Service Thoughts

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I was sitting in Church today listening to the a Guy talk about giving our bodies to Christ and God. So, I pulled out my pin and my paper and started to draw little characters while thinking about what he was saying. I always find it easier to think about what people are saying in situation like this when I’m drawing stuff.

This guy had some good points, I actually feel like I came away with some good info. Really its nothing new, but hearing it again and in a different way is always good. I think the key to Church for me right now isn’t so much that I’m going to go and hear something that is going to change my life, but more or less that I’m going to hear something that is pertaining to a specific situation in my life at this point in time.

No kidding right, kinda seems to be the point. Well, for some reason in my head I get a lot of strange things rolling around. I usually find some way to say, “I don’t really like to go to Church for this reason or that“. In the end it’s not about what someone else does or says specifically its the little things that put pressure on some situation in your life.

What I mean is that, even if the sermon sucks and you don’t walk away with anything but a nap there may be something else that gets under your skin. I’m not sure what it is, but usually there is something. Weather it be a single sentence that you hear from a small conversation or an entire chapter in the Bible that some one talks about.

I’ve been apart of the Christian community for some time. I’ve been around Church and all that since I was a child and I was an avid Bible thumper for certain parts of my life. But this time around, this phase that I seem to be starting is going to be different.

Why? because I’m going to make it different. I’m going to find a way to be normal.

June 15, 2008Tags: , , , , @ 9:04 pm
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Random thoughts from the AirPort

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When you’re at the AirPort people seem to be fairly normal. (at least to me) Yeah, sure you see a lot of strange styles of clothing and a few out ragous things, but on average I would say that things are quite normal. In fact I have never really had a bad experiance in the air port. Perhaps I’m one of the few, but in all reality I think people do mean well at heart.

Seeing this many people always gets me questioning what is it that drives people to do bad things. One reason I’m thinking is when they have to choose between themselves or others. Naturally we choose ourselves for most everything. Why not, I mean you’re not going to give up you last drop of water in the desert to a complete stranger. But, you may share a glass of water with a passing stranger on a hot day.

There is an obviouse difference in these two sincerios, I think large things can come from simple choices. Really it’s just kicking myself in the butt to do it. You know what I mean. You see a guy that you know you could help, but instead of getting caught up in his world for 10min you just pass him by and let him be.

Classic right… At any rate I think the driving force behind action and its outcome is Motivation.

June 10, 2008Tags: , , , @ 11:03 pm
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