This morning I really actually tried to narrow down the goals of life. In a totally general way that seems virtually impossible, but I did. It took me some time to somewhat understand the order that I put them in, but I found one.
If I’m rooted in God’s word than I can bear fruit and be shade. I seek companionship because I fear self destruction. It’s pretty simple, and I feel confident those are the only two things I need.
It always seems like my mind is wondering off into the distance of time and I find myself in different times. It never seems to fail that I come back to thinking about girls. I look over my shoulder and see a slightly familiar face and wish it was some specific.
Course it’s not thought, why would that person be in the same town in same building half way across the country? That’s when I realize that I’m just hopeful and wish for things that aren’t here.
I’m not dicoutaged to think it’s not possible but I’m deffinitely a day dreamer.
There are days where I really just feel odd at church. Times where it’s as if some how every one can see every little movement I make, I know it’s not true but it feels that way all the same.
It really all depends on weather or not I can even focus on what’s being said that day, but for the most part i seem to drift off into space and think about all types of randomness. Much like the consistency of this post.
This girl in front of me raised her hand and I got a good look at it and remembered how gentle women are, but also how long it’s been since I’ve held hands. Simple pleasures lost in routine become so apparent when their gone. (or when their out for a season)
Sometimes it not just about what someone believes when you sit down to a conversation about God. Sometimes you just have to keep your mouth shut. I don’t think I should always keep my mouth shut, but sometimes I think I might be more of a person who puts doubts in peoples minds than hope.
I know I’m a sceptic and I want to know what’s really going on. The conversation moved into how this guy liked to see the sports guys giving God credit for their touch down or win. I turned and said, “well thats nice but how truthful is it.
I guess my beef lies in the fact that our society is so based on what we see and what we perceive that I’m always wondering how true is something. I don’t go around openly proclaiming Gods wonders and blessing out in public because when I stub my toe I tend to freak out and blurt out a loud “FUCK!!” then I look around to see if there are any kids. hopefully not
My point of my horrible train of thought is that I’m curious about how far our country will go before it self destructs. Self righteousness and pride can fill a nation like it fills a person, and bam one day things all just fall apart. Hope is lost and chaos can take over.
I’ve been noticing more and more that it’s not so much that I really want to have a serious thing with any girls right now, but it’s more that I wouldn’t mind a little interaction.
I just came out of a great relationship because of our live moving in different directions and now I’m left hanging with no interaction. We had great companionship and thats what I miss the most.
Guys just don’t cut it, not to mention their not cute like girls are. Damn that sound pathetic… ha
Sure enough just after I write a post about being single, and how I like to approach women in general, it happens.
Nothing special, nothing of major concern. Honestly nothing more than a hello, but it was cool all the same. I take a lot of stock in a good hello.
I’m looking forward to the second random meeting.
I’ve been noticing again and again my lack of direct interaction with girls. Yeah, I know, weak man….
Seriously though, people always say that women like to be pursued right. Well what if you pursue a woman and then once you get a moment to meet her you realize, “damn this was a huge mistake, this chick is kinda lame”.
Well, you walk away right? Something like that I guess, only make it nice. See the things is I went for some coffee earlier and I saw two girls that were approachable and kinda cute, but I didn’t introduce myself or try and start up a conversation. I’m just not that type, or so I think.
Anyway, if you walk up to a girl and say, “hey” all you do is run the risk of looking and feeling stupid. I’m not so much worried about the initial reaction, but it’s more of the delayed affects that I’m thinking about. I would rather make good eye contact and be little out of reach at first, then find some way to spark a silent interest. It’s all about reaction and eye contact.
If I don’t get the initial reaction that I’m looking for than I’m not interested. It’s a good test in my book, but it seems to attract a certain type of woman than I’m not sure I’m really trying to attract.
In my book it’s all about the second random meeting. That time where I see that same girl and I get that same cute smile from her. That’s the point where I need to say something, but I usually end up scratching my head. Next thing I know I’m covered in dandruff and she’s being distracted by someone else. Then there is that awkwardness where you almost want to wait for the third random meeting. Not a good idea to wait for the third one. Then I just look like a real weirdo.
I’m not entirely sure what it is about these points in time, like the one I’m in right now. I know this isn’t the way it’s going to be for long, but from day to day there really isn’t any hope of the daily routine getting better any time soon.
Yeah, Yeah,… I’m not wining and crying really I’m just saying… I don’t have my own place right now and the fact that I have to share space with people and kids is very difficult. If there was some kind of extending circumstance like my house got bashed in or there was a flood than I wouldn’t be saying these thing.
No Shit, life really is good… Thing is my house didn’t blow down and I wasn’t in a flood. I could go out and get my own place, but I’m staying in the place I’m at in order to save time and money. I’m not saving my brain though.
Personal space is worth the effort it takes to get there. There is no doubt about that…
I really should move out and get a place to relax, but I think I’m supposed to just stick it out where I’m at right now for just a little bit longer. I think I’ll wait till something bad happens or I really loose my mind… Damn it!!!
I know I want a family of my own some day, but the time isn’t here yet. I don’t question it will come, I only question how it will go.
All my life I’ve wanted a family of my own. A wife, kids, house, pets and all the usual things. I really don’t know how it will happen though. I’ve been in a few serious relationships and I know what I’m doing and I know what it takes to get married. I’m not stupid, and I’m taking my time. Some would say too much, but most would say I’m being wise with my choices.
Thing is when you get to a certain point you can look at people you know and realize that they are so far ahead of you in the family timeline that your kids and their kids will probably never be close friends. (age is all that makes the difference here) I don’t see anything wrong with that, but I do look at family’s and wish I could participate with them.
I’ll be completely honest here, I really wish I would have given it a go when I was 20 and considering marriage. But, I know it would have been a rough marriage. Then again isn’t marriage rough anyway? I’d like to think so just out of human nature, but I’d also like to think, “maybe not”.
At this point I’ve kinda decided that I’m not going to date anyone that doesn’t give me the butterflies in my stomach. I’m not going to date someone that doesn’t Love God. (although I don’t want a woman that is over the top) At this point I’d like to date someone that is close to my age. I’d like to date someone that I am totally infatuated with and head over heals attracted too. The huge kicker for me are the eye’s, if I can look into a woman’s eyes and see into them, I’m hooked.
I feel a little shallow saying some of these things, but what the heck I only want to be married once. And I don’t want to settle for someone that I’m not attracted to. Sex is great, sex is cool and if your not interested in having sex with your wife than what are you doing there. Maybe that is shallow as well, but I’ve got to figure that if you don’t want to have sex with your wife, she’s going to notice.
I suppose in the end I’ll just wait it out and see what happens. To some degree I can already tell you how it will go, just because I know myself well enough. I just kinda wish it would happen now.
And please after reading this don’t post some lame comment about, “putting my faith in God” or “there’s some one out there for everyone“. I’m not a freaking retard, I’m just being honest.
When you’re at the AirPort people seem to be fairly normal. (at least to me) Yeah, sure you see a lot of strange styles of clothing and a few out ragous things, but on average I would say that things are quite normal. In fact I have never really had a bad experiance in the air port. Perhaps I’m one of the few, but in all reality I think people do mean well at heart.
Seeing this many people always gets me questioning what is it that drives people to do bad things. One reason I’m thinking is when they have to choose between themselves or others. Naturally we choose ourselves for most everything. Why not, I mean you’re not going to give up you last drop of water in the desert to a complete stranger. But, you may share a glass of water with a passing stranger on a hot day.
There is an obviouse difference in these two sincerios, I think large things can come from simple choices. Really it’s just kicking myself in the butt to do it. You know what I mean. You see a guy that you know you could help, but instead of getting caught up in his world for 10min you just pass him by and let him be.
Classic right… At any rate I think the driving force behind action and its outcome is Motivation.