This morning I really actually tried to narrow down the goals of life. In a totally general way that seems virtually impossible, but I did. It took me some time to somewhat understand the order that I put them in, but I found one.
If I’m rooted in God’s word than I can bear fruit and be shade. I seek companionship because I fear self destruction. It’s pretty simple, and I feel confident those are the only two things I need.
There are many things I’ll never forget but there are some that may fade. As it would turn out I’m getting older and my sense of age isn’t getting older.
The other day i asked out a girl that was really cute and definitely worth asking, but as it turns out she’s only 20. Damn it!!! I finally get the guts to ask out a girl and she’s a freaking decade younger than me.
Live and learn I guess but damn it all the same. I’ll never forget when I realized that I was to old to ask out just any one.
Here is another thing I’ll never forget, much like the smile of that girl.
So I went to an interview today for and apartment with a girl who has a two bedroom townhouse. It’s a small little place, but think it will cool.
There was only one real rule I had apart from the obvious rules about crack addicts and people who put their babies in dumpsters and things like that. The rule was if I thought see was cute than I shouldn’t live there.
Maybe it’s better said that if I though I would want to date this girl than I shouldn’t live there. Well I can’t say I really followed that rule very well. I think I could date this girl if I had a chance to meet her, but now I’m going to be living in the same house so I guess it’s inevitable that I’ll get to know her.
Apart from the little boy crush I might have, she is really cool and I think we’ll get along well. Honestly I’m really happy to be living so close to downtown. I’m excited.
A lot of times I find myself sitting around wondering about what woman I will meet. I’ve always kinda of wanted to have an inside hint on who and when, but more time that goes by I realize that it’s not so much about that one person out there.
I let go of the notion that there is one person out there for me, and started to think that there are many options out there. Many women that could be what I need, many sets of eyes and a voice that I could look at and listen too with ever getting tired of.
I don’t think I could have learned this if I got married when I was young. I don’t think many people know that it’s even possible. How misconceived is our perception of life based on the fact that we get married young.
Now all I wonder is wether or not the woman I marry will be with in 5yrs of me or not.
I’m not entirely sure what it is about these points in time, like the one I’m in right now. I know this isn’t the way it’s going to be for long, but from day to day there really isn’t any hope of the daily routine getting better any time soon.
Yeah, Yeah,… I’m not wining and crying really I’m just saying… I don’t have my own place right now and the fact that I have to share space with people and kids is very difficult. If there was some kind of extending circumstance like my house got bashed in or there was a flood than I wouldn’t be saying these thing.
No Shit, life really is good… Thing is my house didn’t blow down and I wasn’t in a flood. I could go out and get my own place, but I’m staying in the place I’m at in order to save time and money. I’m not saving my brain though.
Personal space is worth the effort it takes to get there. There is no doubt about that…
I really should move out and get a place to relax, but I think I’m supposed to just stick it out where I’m at right now for just a little bit longer. I think I’ll wait till something bad happens or I really loose my mind… Damn it!!!
It’s weird how life works sometimes. The things we do that some how create a sense of relaxation. I’ve started this strange habit where I’ll go behind the local grocery store after shopping and have a RedBull and a Cigarette.
It’s not much, but some how it gets me back into a place where I like to be. I know creating habits like this probably aren’t the best thing to get into, but there is something nostalgic about being behind the grocery store that I like.
At some point in the future I think I’ll meet some one that likes what I like. Yeah, I know thats a lame thing to say, but what ever. (i don’t care)
I went to Church again today, mostly to see if there were any cute girls there and to see if my opinion of random people has changed in the last week. It didn’t change. In fact it was confirmed that on average random people at Church are so interested in saying hi that they seem to be willing to sacrifice social norms to get in a good hello.
I had one guy even try to start a conversation while I was taking a piss. What the heck!!! (you know) Turns out he was the pastor. I guess we’re all brought up differently, but that doesn’t mean to talk to a stranger while their peeing.
I’m perfectly fine with silence. I can sit in a room with someone I don’t know and never feel the need to say anything. There is a time and a place for everything, and talking while I’m peeing is not one of them.
Not to mention that the sermons at this church are piped in on a big screen. Does anyone else think that weird. I do…
After thinking about a few things I think one of the biggest steps to finding a new way in life is to understand the repetition in accepting forgiveness.
Obviously I don’t fully understand it or I wouldn’t be thinking about it. I know of a few stories about forgiveness and accepting it. Thing is, copping and accepting forgiveness for mistakes made over and over is can be kinda hard.
Asking and accepting forgiveness for a single mistake really isn’t a problem, but asking and accepting forgiveness for mistakes you know you will make over and over again is harder.
It’s the classic case of feeling it’s easier to stay down when you get hurt rather than getting up when you fall. It’s not a new concept, but a way of life that has to be learned the hard way.
I went for a ride on the scooter this evening to the grocery store. I got some tuna and a Redbull. I kept the tuna for later and drank the redbull. Life is strange when you move. One town to the next I find little places to stop and chile. For some reason it’s always behind a grocery store.
I stopped to grab a smoke and didn’t want to kick it out front of the grocery store on my scooter with a smoke like a real bad ass would, cause then I would just feel lame. In stead I hid behind the store and sat on the curb.
I kinda went for the ride to get out of the house, but also in the hope that I might run into a hot chick. I’m not much on the dating scene, and a lot of the time I think I’m going to meet someone by random chance. (that will never happen) Most likely I’ll probably just end up meeting someone when I least expect it, and not when I’m out on the prowl, getting tuna and redbull.