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Accepting Forgiveness
commentAfter thinking about a few things I think one of the biggest steps to finding a new way in life is to understand the repetition in accepting forgiveness.
Obviously I don’t fully understand it or I wouldn’t be thinking about it. I know of a few stories about forgiveness and accepting it. Thing is, copping and accepting forgiveness for mistakes made over and over is can be kinda hard.
Asking and accepting forgiveness for a single mistake really isn’t a problem, but asking and accepting forgiveness for mistakes you know you will make over and over again is harder.
It’s the classic case of feeling it’s easier to stay down when you get hurt rather than getting up when you fall. It’s not a new concept, but a way of life that has to be learned the hard way.
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Took a Ride
commentI went for a ride on the scooter this evening to the grocery store. I got some tuna and a Redbull. I kept the tuna for later and drank the redbull. Life is strange when you move. One town to the next I find little places to stop and chile. For some reason it’s always behind a grocery store.
I stopped to grab a smoke and didn’t want to kick it out front of the grocery store on my scooter with a smoke like a real bad ass would, cause then I would just feel lame. In stead I hid behind the store and sat on the curb.
I kinda went for the ride to get out of the house, but also in the hope that I might run into a hot chick. I’m not much on the dating scene, and a lot of the time I think I’m going to meet someone by random chance. (that will never happen) Most likely I’ll probably just end up meeting someone when I least expect it, and not when I’m out on the prowl, getting tuna and redbull.
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Church Service Thoughts
1 commentI was sitting in Church today listening to the a Guy talk about giving our bodies to Christ and God. So, I pulled out my pin and my paper and started to draw little characters while thinking about what he was saying. I always find it easier to think about what people are saying in situation like this when I’m drawing stuff.
This guy had some good points, I actually feel like I came away with some good info. Really its nothing new, but hearing it again and in a different way is always good. I think the key to Church for me right now isn’t so much that I’m going to go and hear something that is going to change my life, but more or less that I’m going to hear something that is pertaining to a specific situation in my life at this point in time.
No kidding right, kinda seems to be the point. Well, for some reason in my head I get a lot of strange things rolling around. I usually find some way to say, “I don’t really like to go to Church for this reason or that“. In the end it’s not about what someone else does or says specifically its the little things that put pressure on some situation in your life.
What I mean is that, even if the sermon sucks and you don’t walk away with anything but a nap there may be something else that gets under your skin. I’m not sure what it is, but usually there is something. Weather it be a single sentence that you hear from a small conversation or an entire chapter in the Bible that some one talks about.
I’ve been apart of the Christian community for some time. I’ve been around Church and all that since I was a child and I was an avid Bible thumper for certain parts of my life. But this time around, this phase that I seem to be starting is going to be different.
Why? because I’m going to make it different. I’m going to find a way to be normal.
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Pre Bible Belt Church
commentI’m going to Church tomorrow in a small town south of Nashville. I have only been to Church a few times in the last few years. This should be interesting because I get a little weirded out when I go to some Churches. I’m curious what kind of Church this is going to be.
Basically I’m, Critical, Hypocritical, Cynical, Judgmental, and some other kind of mental that I can’t think of right now. Church just seems a little fake to me at time. I know it’s not always that way, and it’s certainly not that way after you get to know a few people. Thing is when I was apart of a Church in the past I found my self doing and saying things that made me feel all the Mentals from the first sentence in this paragraph.
In fact every time I start to write about this topic I get about 2 paragraphs in and then I’m out of ammo. I seem to realize that most of the problem is probably coming from me. Then again I start to think, “I just don’t want to be the same Christian as I was, and I don’t want to be just like everyone else.”
“I don’t want to be the same Christian?” What does that even mean. I don’t want to be the same person that I felt I was being. At this point I just don’t think hindsight is 20 20. I see what I think and not what I was.
Over and over we’ve been told everything anyone can think of from the Bible. We’re encouraged to do, do, do; do something for someone who can’t do. Give, Give, Give; Give something to someone who doesn’t have, and there is a balance somewhere that I’m not seeing.
What I see is a Christian Subculture, their intentions seem right, and their actions seem based, but we seem to have a lot of really expensive stuff.
There is more, but I’ll leave it alone for now. Just a reminder for myself though, why does it seem like people who turn to God have nothing to loose? It’s like a last resort or something…
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A Family
commentI know I want a family of my own some day, but the time isn’t here yet. I don’t question it will come, I only question how it will go.
All my life I’ve wanted a family of my own. A wife, kids, house, pets and all the usual things. I really don’t know how it will happen though. I’ve been in a few serious relationships and I know what I’m doing and I know what it takes to get married. I’m not stupid, and I’m taking my time. Some would say too much, but most would say I’m being wise with my choices.
Thing is when you get to a certain point you can look at people you know and realize that they are so far ahead of you in the family timeline that your kids and their kids will probably never be close friends. (age is all that makes the difference here) I don’t see anything wrong with that, but I do look at family’s and wish I could participate with them.
I’ll be completely honest here, I really wish I would have given it a go when I was 20 and considering marriage. But, I know it would have been a rough marriage. Then again isn’t marriage rough anyway? I’d like to think so just out of human nature, but I’d also like to think, “maybe not”.
At this point I’ve kinda decided that I’m not going to date anyone that doesn’t give me the butterflies in my stomach. I’m not going to date someone that doesn’t Love God. (although I don’t want a woman that is over the top) At this point I’d like to date someone that is close to my age. I’d like to date someone that I am totally infatuated with and head over heals attracted too. The huge kicker for me are the eye’s, if I can look into a woman’s eyes and see into them, I’m hooked.
I feel a little shallow saying some of these things, but what the heck I only want to be married once. And I don’t want to settle for someone that I’m not attracted to. Sex is great, sex is cool and if your not interested in having sex with your wife than what are you doing there. Maybe that is shallow as well, but I’ve got to figure that if you don’t want to have sex with your wife, she’s going to notice.
I suppose in the end I’ll just wait it out and see what happens. To some degree I can already tell you how it will go, just because I know myself well enough. I just kinda wish it would happen now.
And please after reading this don’t post some lame comment about, “putting my faith in God” or “there’s some one out there for everyone“. I’m not a freaking retard, I’m just being honest.
admin
Random thoughts from the AirPort
commentWhen you’re at the AirPort people seem to be fairly normal. (at least to me) Yeah, sure you see a lot of strange styles of clothing and a few out ragous things, but on average I would say that things are quite normal. In fact I have never really had a bad experiance in the air port. Perhaps I’m one of the few, but in all reality I think people do mean well at heart.
Seeing this many people always gets me questioning what is it that drives people to do bad things. One reason I’m thinking is when they have to choose between themselves or others. Naturally we choose ourselves for most everything. Why not, I mean you’re not going to give up you last drop of water in the desert to a complete stranger. But, you may share a glass of water with a passing stranger on a hot day.
There is an obviouse difference in these two sincerios, I think large things can come from simple choices. Really it’s just kicking myself in the butt to do it. You know what I mean. You see a guy that you know you could help, but instead of getting caught up in his world for 10min you just pass him by and let him be.
Classic right… At any rate I think the driving force behind action and its outcome is Motivation.
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What has Value
commentWhat I value here in this life only holds true if it has value in a timeless existence.
What I’m thinking is nothing new really, it’s that whole concept of material possessions. What you have here is only going to stay here. In my mind the soul is the only thing that will pass on. Although there are memories as well, and all the emotions that are triggered by them.
So, I suppose there are really only a few things that will last. A Soul, it’s memories and emotions. (I guess you could argue that emotions are really just the effects of memories on the soul) Point is, what has Value? What is Value? And what do you do when you Value something?
I’d like to think that I place Value in eternal things. But, when I look back and recognize the nature of my actions I begin to think that I place a lot of Value on more things than just eternity.
I’m not entirely sure, but I get the feeling that we place value on things that hold a sense of security. Or we place value on things that give us a sense of comfort. I heard someone say recently that what God offers us in the promise of His Son is not comfort but it’s Security.
Knowing you’re secure can overcome a sense of comfort. Reality will come and people will realize that worldly security will pass, but will they be able to recognize true security. Or, will they grab on to a false sense of reality that offers momentary security because it gives them worldly comfort.
Hard times are coming and a true knowledge of being secure in God’s fold will over power even the most painful uncomfortable realities to come. I just hope that if I’m alive long enough to see the world thrown into a rage of persecution that I will truly know the security of God’s fold. (i think i said security too many time)
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What might be coming
commentWhat is coming is probably just a story in my head that I made up from all the epic movies I’ve seen in the last 10yrs. But, I think it’s safe to say that the world is in heap of trouble.
I’m not talking about the elections, I’m talking about the way this world works and how it doesn’t work. I’m talking about how we look forward and see something when there really isn’t much to see here. And when I say here I mean this actual planet.
So? So What? I’m not sure, it’s just the fact that all the history stories I’ve read and all the Bible stories I read all talk about destruction. They don’t really mention anything about this earths lasting magnificence, they only talk about a linear diary of one mans life to the next.
Yes, I know the Bible talks about a lot more, but a lot of the history the Bible speaks is destruction. Heck even most of the future it talks about is destruction. (Apart from the whole eternity thing, which I’m kinda fond of. Not to mention that eternity part kinda breaks this post down.) Anyway… There must be a point, a single point in a linear timeline that, in my head, is like a large flash of light.
If you could just imagine how time moves across a string. My question is, what happens when it hits that point in time? I’m not sure, but what happens if the string breaks when that flash goes off?
When there is no more time, what will be valuable?
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Somethings Coming
commentI honestly think something is coming. Something much bigger than we expect, but yet more subtle than we can see.